As I waited for my dermatologist to arrive in my cubicle for my annual checkup, a young—and I mean young—woman breezed in. After a quick glance at her, I was left confused about who she was. After all, she looked no older than a high school student. Far too young to be either a dermatologist or a nurse or even an office assistant. After she (a medical school resident) introduced herself to me and began her examination of my skin, using many words that had at least fifteen letters in them, I quickly came to know she expertly knew what she was doing. Although I had been initially confused, she quickly gained my complete confidence.
As she examined me with both eyes and hands on my legs, she said, “You have beautiful skin for…” She halted. There was a long pause. I broke the awkward silence by completing her sentence…”for an old woman?” She sputtered and blushed. We both laughed, and she continued her professional examination.
When I approached the nurses’ station to schedule my next annual appointment, I, with tongue in cheek, announced to all who could hear, “Today I got the Beautiful Skin Award!” The resident, working on her computer at the counter across the way and hearing my announcement, jerked her head up and exchanged a knowing eye and grin with me.
In addition to this experience being about a playful connection between two women, it was for me a lesson in assumptions. The resident carried some unexamined and erroneous assumptions about old skin. And I too carried ageist assumptions about expertise, or lack thereof, based on youthful appearance.
Further reflection leads me to these lessons:
- Unexamined assumptions create dichotomies, pitting us over against each other rather than uniting us.
- Unexamined assumptions are at the least diminishing us and at the most killing us, both personally and politically.
- Curiosity is an antidote to the division caused by our unexamined assumptions, opening our hearts and leading us to change our minds and learn about one another and from one another.
- When we are curious about one another we discover common ground.
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